that useless feeling

it is a consensus between me and my fellow unemployed friends that one of the biggest problems with being unemployed -- besides the whole not having any money thing -- is the feeling of uselessness that pervades every single day. i have tried to fill up my days with useless tasks, fake projects i create for myself, gym visits, lunch dates and informational interviews. but in the end i just feel overwhelmed and exhausted when i haven't actually accomplished anything at all.

its not like i haven't been doing things and getting things done. i have published one freelance article (although in fairness i didn't have to pitch it) and have been working on more pitches. i have applied to more than 30 jobs, gone on a couple of interviews, and tried to network in person with different types of people. i have also taken day trips to visit family and met friends for mid-week brunch or drinks, so i have been trying to enjoy my time off work, at least -- in the most cost-effective ways possible, of course.

but, i'm still no closer to getting a job. despite the numerous resumes, cover letters and clips that are floating around in various HR offices and editors' email in-boxes, i have no interviews lined up and no prospective leads. i'm no closer to getting a new job than i was three months ago when dnr folded. three months is a long time.

i am trying to channel my energy into new and different projects beyond job applications, like freelance article pitches and maybe even book idea pitches to agents. i have found that the best way to avoid that feeling of uselessness is to create a routine, get outside of my apartment and make the most of my days. for me, that means a combination of searching for work, reading the daily news and interacting with friends. february has been hard for me -- i was sick the first two weeks and then hiding out in stamford last week. this week i'm determined to fill up my time and get things accomplished.

with that in mind, i applied to three jobs today, went to the gym, met up with former co-workers for a couple of drinks and went tanning. don't judge the tanning. yes, it is an expense that i have taken on since getting let go, but i feel that it puts me in a good mood and makes me feel better about myself and my body. so its an expense that i can justify. and, as i told my friends today, its one of the few things in my life that make me happy. you can't put a price on that.