what is it about me?

i have told just about everyone i know about this phenomenon that i have experienced my whole life, but more and more often since i've moved to nyc.

for some reason, random people love to talk to me.

i'm not talking about the bum outside the deli who asks me for change, i know he does that to everyone. i'm talking about the lady on the subway tapping me on the shoulder while i'm reading a magazine and listening to headphones and asking me directions. i'm talking about the man walking down the street who makes a lewd comment to me. i'm talking about the person walking past me when i'm having a particularly tough day who tells me to smile. i'm talking about the woman who stopped me in the street to tell me that my shoe was untied. the woman on the subway platform who didn't speak english but wanted to know where i bought my coat. the man who tried to sell me a $50 spa treatment. the people asking for the time, directions, to use my magazines after i'm done reading them.

what?!?!?!

i have many many of these stories. i've gotten so fed up with people stopping me in the street or poking me on the subway that i've just started ignoring people. i'm generally a very perceptive person, and i thought that was my problem. if someone said something, even if it wasn't to me, i would look in their direction. after eye contact is established, they think its ok to talk to me.

so i stopped looking when people spoke, even when they spoke to me. this has prompted many reactions. some people give up. some people shake their hand at me, sometimes even in front of my face to get my attention. one guy even cursed at me after i failed to stop on a crosswalk and tell him the time.

tonight, on the train ride to stamford from new york (i was there to see a bu basketball game. go terriers!) i was confronted by someone yet again.

it was a young black man, sitting across from me on the train. i was reading a magazine, but i had come unprepared and didn't have my trusty head phones with me. he said excuse me a couple times, which i ignored, until he finally wagged his hand towards me almost in my lap to get my attention.

so i had to talk to him. GRR

guy: are you going to stamford?
me: yeah
guy: did they say when the train is getting in?
me: no, but it usually takes about an hour.

here i broke one of my cardinal rules. i usually just say "i don't know" and it ends the conversation and the person gets the hint that i am not helpful or nice and i don't want to talk. by breaking my rules, i intiated a conversation and allowed him to press me with more questions. i was stuck.

guy: can i use your cell phone?
me: now?
guy: yeah. does it matter?
me: i guess not.
guy: do you have a 203 area code?
me: yeah

then he called. who ever it was he was calling didn't answer, so then i was worried he would ask me to use it again later in the trip.

but after he was done with the phone, i put it in my bag and went back to my magazine. i finished the magazine a little while later, put that in my bag and took out my phone, made some calls and then struggled to keep busy so he wouldn't talk to me again. no such luck.

he started asking me about where i went to high school, stupid stuff like that. i couldn't tell if he was trying to hit on me or just trying to have a conversation. either way, i wasn't interested.

but here's the problem. i'm too nice. the train was mostly empty at this point, i could have just gotten up and moved. but that would have been blatantly rude and i just can't bring myslf to do it. that's why i humor these people, that's why it bothers me when i ignore them or tell them to bug off.

generally, i want to just be left alone. but when confronted i feel compelled to reply, to help. but i hate it the whole time.

i just can't think of any way to stop people from accosting me every time i leave the house. even when i wear a permanent scowl i get stopped and told to cheer up.

so i have this power, the ability to attract people (unwanted as they may be) to talk to me, confront me, accost me. i guess this a good talent for a journalist to possess, but mine is too acute for normal day-to-day life. i've tried to come up with some way to harness my powers for good, like using it for a reality show where a hidden camera follows me around to witness all the crazy ways people try to get my attention, or all the people who stare at me in general (i'm not being paranoid, i swear this happens all the time).

i want to use this awful affliction in some positive way. how can i?