wanted: a good night's sleep

right now it is 6 a.m. in chicago. i've been awake since 4.

this waking up in the middle of the night thing has become routine now, and i don't like it. in fact, it is driving me crazy. literally. i don't like who i am when i haven't been sleeping, but i don't know what to do about it...other than going to the doctor and getting some prescription sleep aids.

i guess i should look into that, since this has been going on now for more than two weeks. in fact, i can't remember the last time i slept the whole night through.

this lack of sleep is affecting my personality. i am more paranoid, snappish, and emotional. i'm prone to drastic mood swings, depression, and explosive outbreaks, usually directed at people close to me. yesterday, for example, i got into a fight with matt and then later screamed at my mom about my taxes.

its completely irrational and very unlike me. i swear, i'm not crazy. i'm just sleep deprived.

i think you can even tell that i've been having issues lately from the tone and subject matter of this very blog. the not sleeping thing dates back to the beginning of march. so this has been going on for almost a month. and my sanity has suffered.

last week, i tried to take two tylenol pm before bed. i just needed a full night of rest. i ended up waking up around 4 as usual, but i could still feel the sleep medication in me. i eventually fell back asleep, perhaps faster than on a normal night, but when i woke up at my regular hour, 7:30, i was groggy. i could barely keep my eyes open on the subway ride to work, then i was more tired and cranky than usual all day long.

something has to give. if i don't get a few full nights of sleep soon, i risk losing my mind, and pushing everyone i care farther and farther away from me.

i'm calling my doctor tomorrow and making an appointment. maybe he'll have an opening on thursday.