i love new york

on sunday, driving back from la guardia en route to my apartment, my brother mentioned, in a disgusted tone, that he could not imagine living in the city. it made me stop and think. what's so great about it anyway?

i have known in my heart that i would always end up here. i don't know why. although we visited the city a couple times a year when i was growing up, it wasn't a regular thing. but i can understand why my brother will isn't as familiar with city living as me or joe (who has since decamped to the second city, chicago). we spent more time here before will was born. could that have been it?

growing up in the suburbs, the city was exciting, dangerous, alive. when everything in stamford closed up by 10 p.m., there was always the thought that, if we felt like venturing just a few miles south, there would be a world of possibilities. if you were into that.

after living here a year and a half, i'm still not into all that. i've never been to one of those super clubs and only seen the inside of one of those exclusive meat packing joints because i was working an event for jennifer's (old) company. but on days like today, when the sun is shining and all the walk signs turn white just when i want them to, i can't help but feel at home and in love with my city.

i admit to times of doubt and weakness. last summer i was thisclose to throwing in the towel and moving back to stamford. i would have done it, too, if i didn't have a boyfriend keeping me grounded in brooklyn. and spending the weekend in my grandparents 2-floor, 4-bedroom $1400 a month rental house in north carolina made me think twice about picking up and leaving the city. i can write about breaking legal news from anywhere in the country, right?

i think the greatest pangs come when i see my parents in my neighborhood. they aren't comfortable here, and they are certainly not comfortable with my living situation. i felt guilt, sadness and homesickness as i waved goodbye to my mom and brother after giving them the 5 second tour of my apartment.

but despite my dwindling bank account and slight homesickness, there are little clue that tell me every day that i've made the right choices in my life.

to this day, things as simple as the smell of hot pretzels on a corner sets off a feeling of nostalgia, warmth and love.

and this happened one block from my office today. that would never happen in stamford.