breaking the bonds of fashion

i am not that concerned with fashion. if you couldn't tell from my recent love letter to my ugg boots, i would rather be comfortable than trendy. and comfort to me is feeling comfortable literally and also emotionally, like comfortable in my own skin. i do own dresses and skirts, but i tend not to wear them regularly because they make me feel self conscious.

but as much as i tell myself that i would be happy wearing jeans, uggs and a sweatshirt everyday, i know deep in my heart that isn't true. i wish i could dress like the maniquins in the windows of the shops in soho, but i know that takes the right type of things in your closet, and an eye for fashion. and if there is anything i learned while working for an fashion designer in college, i learned that i do not have an eye for fashion. i don't read enough vogue to know what is "in" and what i should be wearing and buying and mixing and matching.

but there is something about living in new york that has made me want to dress more trendily. (that is actually a word. i looked it up.) i think living here has made me want to update my wardrobe because i feel like i can see a cross section of what people are wearing just by riding the subway every day. there are outfits that i see other people wearing, and i think "that looks nice" or "that would look good on me" or "i can pull that off."

fashion is also very accessible in new york. there are shops everywhere, carrying high end fashions on one block and their cheaper, knock off equivalents across the street. so once you know what you want to buy, its very easy to go out and find in just a few hours.

right now, i am really into the recent empire-waisted, long shirt trend. some women like to wear these shirts with leggings and pumps or boots, but i prefer wearing them with jeans. so i thought i might be able to incorporate another trend that i think looks good on other women: the boots over jeans trend.

i'm not sure why this trend appeals to me. i think because i have a slight shoe obsession. i love looking at shoes, my shoes, other people's shoes, all shoes. i think shoes say a lot about a person, and i usually notice people's shoes before i notice their outfits. so wearing your shoes over your pants is a clue that you like shoes, too. so much that you don't want your nice tall boots to be hidden underneath your pants.

but as much as i like this trend on other people, i have never been able to understand how it would work for me. first of all, i have never been able to find a pair of tall boots that actually fit me, because i have (apparently) abnormally large calves. my calves aren't fat, but they are very muscly thanks to my years dancing, playing basketball and field hockey, particularly during my formative years. and if you know anything about muscle, you know that once it develops, whatever you do working out-wise in the future will just help it grow bigger. and then when you start to not work out as much, the muscle turns to fat and then it just gets even bigger. welcome to my world.

anyway, if you have ever gone into a shoe store and tried on a pair of boots and had the zipper not be able to close, you would understand how embarassing it is. there are no dressing rooms in shoe departments. everyone can see your calves are too big to fit in those knee-length camel round toe boots. as a result, i avoid tall boots, and even sometimes refrain from trying on calf-length boots in particularly crowded stores.

so since i don't own any boots that can fit my legs inside them without a struggle, how am i supposed to fit pants in there, too? the only boots that have some chance of getting pants inside them are my uggs. i wore them that way a couple times last year, and just felt ridiculous.

but for some reason i still feel the urge to conquer this trend. yesterday, while whining to a friend about how i didn't understand how so many women could zip up their boots with their pants inside them, without bunching or gaping or cutting of their circulation, she said, "well you have to have the right boots and the right pants."

clearly, not only do i not have the right legs, i also don't own the right pants or boots. i know this. so in order to do this, i would have to buy specific boots that i would wear almost exclusively with super tight or cropped pants i bought to go with them. and i would probably not wear the pants in any other situation. once realizing this, i acknowledge that it was just not worth it. even if i buy pants that will fit inside boots, i will have to find boots that will fit them, and what are the chances of that? and if i do, the whole thing will probably just enhance my chunky calves. and that's a part of me i would rather downplay.

so i have acknowledged that just like the long shirt-legging combination, this is one trend that was just not made for me and my body. part of growing up, i think, is coming to learn your body and what looks good and what just doesn't work. i have given up on the boots tucked into pants thing. and i feel like a bigger person for that.