my grandmother is awesome

i have been remiss in writing recently, and i missed out on my oppurtunity to write about my favorite holiday, our long ass road trip, what i'm thankful for and anything else that has been going on in the world. i think the time has passed for me to write about that stuff, sadly. basically, i had a pretty rough thanksgiving. i wasn't feeling well all day, which really put a crimp on the being thankful part. but i bucked up, spent lots of time with my family and ate as much stuffing and cranberry sauce as i could fit in my tummy. i still was feeling crummy the day after, so i spent most of the day in bed, although i did find time to stuff my face with all the pumpkin pie i couldn't stomach the day before, and get a mani-pedi with my mom, aunt and cousins. i finally felt well enough to face the world on saturday, just in time to deal with our 12-hour drive home.

but enough about me. i want to spend a moment or two singing the praises of my grandmother. i have kept this sort of quiet over the past few months, mostly because i didn't want to deal with its implications, but my grandmother was diagnosed this summer with pancreatic cancer. in august, she underwent a procedure at johns hopkins to remove it, along with her spleen and parts of some of her other internal organs. then she returned to north carolina and started chemotherapy earlier this month.

she is in her eighties and under 5 feet tall, and the surgery and chemo have caused her to shrink down to around 100 pounds, but she has not let her illness defeat her. it is not easy to face a deadly diagnosis (pancreatic cancer is one of the deadliest cancers, i am told) but she has, and she hasn't let it get her down. while i noticed a slight change in her demeanor, mostly she was more tired than i have ever seen her and she has little to no appetite, she was generally just the same old grandma. i think her lack of energy is particularly noticable because i have always known her as an endless energetic grandmother who is eager, ready and willing to please and feed one and all.

if you met her, even now, you would hardly be able to tell her age. she wears it well, and maintains a youthful attitude. when we visited at easter, she told me that she had to stop volunteering at a nearby retirement home because she didn't like working with the old people, although many of those people were probably her age or maybe younger.

on friday, over dinner, she told the story of how her doctor at johns hopkins was reluctant to do the intrusive procudure on her because she was over 80-- until he met her. "now that i've met you and spoken with you," the doctor told my grandmother, "i realize that you are not a typical 80-year-old."

i have always admired my grandma and looked up to her, but now i do so more than ever. she has lived a long, happy and healthy life, borne children, helped raise her grandchildren, suffered through miscarriages and mourned the loss of her parents and even some siblings. after all that, she could have thrown in the towel, succumbed to her disease and not gone through with the painful surgery. but she has chosen to fight and, as far as i can tell, she is winning her fight.

i hope that by the time i am her age i have lived as much life as she has. i hope that if i am faced with the same adversary, health-wise or other wise, that i will be able to show the same courage and conviction and hope.

and i hope that she continues to fight and is able to see more of the life that i want to live, and be a part of it, as she has been such an influential part up until now.