thoughts on leaving forbes

picture of me at my desk, taken with the camera in my computer. no more of these! bye bye forbes!

so tomorrow is my last day as an editorial assistant. i have to say, i'm sadder about it than i thought i would be. i think it has a lot to do with my fear of change and my intense pride. the fear of change thing needs no explanation, but the pride is a bit deeper. let me expand:

i have been officially replaced (pending a check of her references). i'm saddened by the fact that someone else out there in the world can do my job. i am proud of the fact that i am very good at my job. without tooting my horn too much, i know i am competent, smart and efficient. i'm sad that there will be someone sitting at my desk, doing my mindless tasks, doing favors for my boyfriend...well that last one is another story for another insecure entry...



maybe my introspection needs to be clarified a little. over the past few days i've had to interview prospective candidates for my job. i've had to explain what i do (which takes a long time, actually) and also cop to the fact that this isn't a bad job for the first job out of college. i know i've said before that the benefits are good, the pay is higher than average for what it is, and the people are generally nice. i've forgotten all the things that upset and depressed me about my job (maybe i should go back and reread some past blog entries!).

ultimately, i am sad to end this chapter in my life. it has been a positive and fulfilling experience. this is the longest i've ever held a job. these are the first professional contacts i have made in my life, first work friends, first work experiences. my next move is important and will be equally influential in my life, but now i'm worrying that maybe i acted too quickly.

when i applied for jobs, i applied without thinking, "if i get this job, how will it help my future career?" while i know this job will help me grow as a reporter and writer and give me experience, if i want to end up in lifestyle and a&e writing, how will this help?

my only solace is this: during my darkest days, i voiced the opinion that my time at forbes has been a waste of time. after reviewing my life for the past year plus, and seeing how far i've come emotionally and professionally, i know that i haven't wasted time here, but tried to make the most of it. all in all, i think i did pretty well. my writing is stronger. my confidence has grown. i'm great on the phone. i'm more mature (or at least feel that way). and, most importantly, my personal life is at an all-time, drama-free high. with a new job in the bag, i feel back on track, confident and optimistic.



in two days, i will be a reporter. i plan on being there for 9-12 months. at least that long before i start laying tracks for my next move. i think i might work there max 2 years. from there i imagine i will be qualified to be a reporter for a website, paper (the post would be a dream), or magazine (entertainment weekly would be the dream, of course, but i would be hapy starting at a legal-themed mag due to the experience, or general interest or lifestyle). i might even consider freelance writing, if i could figure out how you actually do that. it hasn't worked out for me yet in the long term, but who knows.

speaking of freelance writing, i've been reading this blog on glamour.com. the author is a freelance writer and i'm super jealous of her lifestyle. i'm intrigued by the fact that someone can support herself on writing projects, travel when she wants, make her own schedule, and sleep in if she wants! i think i definitely need some more experience writing and making new contacts, but maybe in a few years i'll be there. (?) one of the reasons i wanted to go into writing as a career was so i could do it in an office, from my home, or on the road. maybe the job i get after this new one will help me get there!

you never know.