why i'm so happy this time

our first photo together...december 2005

last night i had a conversation with my grandma. she asked me if i was "still going with that nice young man," and if it was serious. she hinted at whether or not we were thinking of getting married (!)

now, my grandmother knows as well as the rest of my family and friends that i've always been very standoffish about marriage and serious relationships and the rest. i know its because of my own nature and past bad experiences. but this time, i had to admit to grandma, that i have found someone special, who i really care about who would take care of me and make a great lifelong companion. and i had to admit to her that yes, we do talk about our future together (puke!)

so that made me think...a year ago i was in a completely different place. a year ago i was, for all intents and purposes, single. unattached, but with tons of baggage. now i feel lighter, happier, protected, loved.

let me share a little insight into me: although i'm not a social butterfly girl-about-town, i have had a few boyfriends over the years. there are two in particular that were serious (before the current one of course).

one of the first crushes i remember having was on a boy in many of my middle school classes. typical middle school relationship: he would pick on me, i would pine for him. he was a jock, totally unatainable for a shy, dorky semi-social outcast like me.

in high school, once my braces came off and i became datable material, i pretty much started dating other boys right away. i never forgot about my crush, until i went to college, but he was always out of reach or otherwise occupied. at the very least, i was.

when i started dating my latest ex, i think he was for me very similar to my first crush. he was attractive, popular, athletic and totally out of my league. when i did pin him down i was so proud of myself, and happy for my conquest!

but that relationship was full of fighting: fighting to be loved, fighting to be respected, fighting to be recognized as the girlfriend. it wasn't healthy, and i knew it.

when it ended i was sad, and although it was a tough relationship, i still think of my ex fondly (i believe i've written of him at times in this very blog). but there are reasons that that relationship failed for which i know the one i'm in now will not. and that makes me happy.

for example, i can see there are things in my current boy that were also in my very first crush (things that i guess would fall under things i look for in any mate) but they are less superficial than the things my ex had in common with him.

from my research, i have deduced there are certain things i look for in boys:
intelligent, outgoing, friendly, funny, adorable, caring, compassionate, respectful, Christian (this surprises me, but it's a trend), strong family relationships, similar family to mine, likes dogs.

i'm sure i can think of some more, but these are all things that have come to mind right now. i'm sure everyone has their own lists. i'm happy i've found someone to meet all my criteria by age 23. i'm a lucky lucky girl.

now i'm thinking of all this because of my talk with grandma, and because being at home makes me think about my childhood crushes. i also miss matt a lot, as we've been away from each other a lot the past few weeks. i'm hoping this glowing rant doesn't jinx our relationship.

don't laugh. it's happened before!