more on job hunting

so i had a second interview for the marketing job last week. i think i'll find out in a few days whether or not i got the job. but if i do get it, it raises lots of questions for me about what i want to do with my life, and if leaving the editorial department is the right choice for me.

let's rewind a couple months. i overheard that the woman who worked parttime for our magazine running the weekly radio show was leaving for law school in august. i knew i could do the job, and i was hoping it would include a promotion, possibly to reporter as well. when i inquired about the position and what it was all about, the eic thought i wanted it...in his words i was begging for it...and he and some other upper managment types thought it was a done deal. with nothing finalized, no terms or raise discussed, i was miffed. when i confronted the eic, he offered me some extra money, but i told him i couldn't commit to another year here. he offered six months. i wavered. he balked when i said i needed to think on it for a day.

needless to say, i didn't take the position, and it was pushed off on a friend of mine, who had just started. in typical fashion, i don't think they offered her any extra money which is a travesty. i haven't discussed this with her; i hope i'm wrong.

anyway, by rejecting this "kind" offer, i sort of shot myself in the foot. i made it quite clear to the highest editor that i wanted to be more than an assistant, a reporter in fact. he told me my chances were nil. he told me i had better chances of working in any other department in the company (marketing perhaps?). he said i would have to work as an assistant for two or three more *years* before moving up, and a graduate degree was essential. he gave examples of all those assistants gone before me who had left to go into other fields, like tory who went into conferences, or someone else who now does copy writing for advertising, or another who went back to school to get a teaching degree. he hinted that this was my fate.

defiant, i told him that my experience qualified me for something better, and i hoped that i would be gone in less than six months. if i am still there in six months (basically january) boy will i have egg on my face. what's worse, by turning down the raise he offered, i think i effectively ruined my chances of actually getting a raise even though i've worked there for over a year now and definitely deserve something.

now, after explaining all that, do you understand what i'm up against? if i get offered this marketing job and i take it, he will have won. he will have been proven right. sure, i will be out of there, onto bigger and better things, but i won't be where i want to be, truly. i'll just be out of where i don't want to be. will i waste another year of my life doing something else that might lead to a dead end? that is the last thing i want to do.

i really wish a dream job would just get offered to me. this week. i don't know if i am stupid enough to turn down another job if its offered...what can i do?