rip randy and the 2700+ others

i turned on the tv this morning. i told myself i wouldn't watch today, i knew there was no way to escape it. even the new york-based news feels the need to harp on today. i just wanted to see the weather.

i watched tv for less than 10 minutes, saw the weather, turned it off, and cried. all of a sudden i was back where i was five years ago, and i'm afraid to leave this apartment. i'm afraid to ride the subway. i'm worried someone will say something wrong to me today and i'll have a breakdown. i don't want to go there today, but the alternative, sitting around here alone, it equally scary. i need to be near people.

i wish i had something more meaningful to do today.